25 Years

It's hard to believe that you've been gone for 25 years. I remember March 30,1986 (Easter Sunday) like it was yesterday. It's like a record playing in my head; I know the music and even know the words, but I don't like the song. But it's one of those songs that sticks with you no matter what. However sad it is, it's a song that I'll never forget, I'll forever wish that I could rewind it and pause it...pause it before that moment that God decided to take you to be an angel amoung us!

I remember that  deep, dark feeling and just kept telling myself that the pain would go away one day and I'd look back and wonder how me, Mom and Cara got through it. But the truth is, the pain never goes away. I do often wonder how we got through it all and are where we are in life, but I can only smile in knowing that you were a part of that. You were there holding our hand when we were scared and lonely. You've always been there; in our hearts and sometimes your presence has been so strong that I think I felt you touch me and say "Dude, it's gonna be alright!" That's where I find my peace..in my heart!

As the years passed and I became a teenager, a troubled one to say the least, I look back and know that if you had been there, things would have been so different, but through the help of friends, family and a few thereapy sessions to say the least, I've come to terms with my past and have to know that it all happened for a reason. I still struggle, but I know how to deal with all the pain now and I'm proud of myself for that! I've often asked why God allowed things to happen or why he took you away, but I've stopped asking those questions as the answer is never there, only he knows the answer and up to this point in my life, he hasn't felt I needed to know, so I live my life for the here and now.


In the 25 years that have past, so much has happened, some good and some bad, but the best of it all was when Regan was born. I use to be sad that you all would never meet and that she would grow up without you, but the truth is, I get through knowing you had a hand in our miracle baby and that you met her long before we did and she will always know who her "Pop Pop" (that's what she calls you when we look at pictures) is. I know that without God and you as our angel, that Regan would never have come to be. We are blessed beyond measure!


Years ago it was suggested to me to keep a journal, one that I could not only write about the things that troubled me, but about my memories growing up in a time when you were still here. Tonight I got one of those journals out and was reading it and while I cried uncontrollably, I also laughed uncontrollably! I read the memories of dune buggy's, go carts, rabbit hunting, driving your old Scout and 4th of July BBQ's just to name a few. There's no need for me to go into all the stories, as you know them as well as I do and all those things warm my heart and make me smile. All those things are things no one can ever take from me. I continue to write in my journals and sometimes I get them out and read just to relive all those memories from years ago. Tonight when I got my journals out, I also came across all your airplane books and stuff that Mom gave me from when you were taking flying lessons and call me crazy, but I find it cool that I can look through them and not only smile at knowing how happy you were in a plane, but some of the stuff has your writing in it and well, that's just neat to me! And one day, I hope to fly too! As you know, I've taken a few lessons and been up in a few Cessna's but one day, I'll go all the way, I may be 50 years old, but I'm gonna do it!

Recently Mom has decided to sell the house and move here to be closer to all of us. And I don't have to tell you that's she's struggling as I'm sure she's talked to you about it. It's such an emotionally difficult decision for her. She tells me the story of you all buying it right before Cara was born and you (and I think Mikey) moved stuff in before she got home from the hospital. It was the first and only house Cara has ever known aside from holding so many memories of our family. But Dad, please lay your hand on her and tell her "Cathy, it's gonna be alright". I think she needs that. The memories will forever be in our hearts, but she also has a lot of labor in that house. Do you ever think she's worked herself to death all these years staying so busy as thereapy? I think so, I think she has kept herself wrapped up in the house, school, etc, as to not fall into a depression by just sitting around thinking about things. And I commend her for that as we each have our own way of self-therapy! I know the move will not be easy for her, but she's got so many memories waiting for her here. So Dad, talk to her and help her through this!

Dad, I miss you so much and there's not a single day that goes by that I don't think about you or that something doesn't remind me of you. Give Granny a big hug and a kiss and tell her I love and miss her too! I treasure every memory and I'm proud to be the daughter of the biggest and brightest star in the sky!

Love,
Dude

Time Flies

Yesterday marked one month since Regan started going to Little Acorns Preschool. I can't believe how fast time goes by. She has so much fun and is learning so much. She says her ABC's (she misses a lot of letters, but with assistance, she does well). She can count to 15 with NO assistance and she knows ALL her colors. She is talking in full sentences and it just makes me smile. (Now if we can get potty training down, we'll be all good). I am so amazed at how much she knows and how much she loves it. She has really come out of her shell. She loves playing with the other kids and has made some awesome BFF's. We are truly blessed to have found Little Acorns, Sandra is wonderful; she is patient, kind, caring and just awesome all around. We look forward to a long-lasting relationship with Sandra and her family.

Happy, Happy Birthday Kelly!

This past weekend, Cara, the girls and I went to Sikeston to celebrate my Uncle Kelly's 50 Birthday. We prepped the girls to say happy birthday(Regan has been loving saying it since Sean taught her back in February for mine). While the girls didn't say it exactly on cue, they did end up saying it; they are soo stinkin' cute. It was suppose to be a surprise party, but not so sure that was the case, but either way, it was great fun. My cousin just bought a new house and she was host to the party. We enjoyed time with family, but the quick trip made for a tired bunch of girls, not to mention the girls were wired from cake, ice cream and tea on Saturday night and WOULD NOT go to sleep, so we were all up sitting around Mom's table eating popcorn until after Midnight. But great times! And "making memories" as Nonna says! Check out his awesome cake!

Fun with Charlotte on St. Patty's Day

Thursday evening we went to Cara's to eat dinner with her and the family. It was a nice day, so we let the girls play outside. The loved seeing and calling for Buster, the dog next door, chasing Beta(Charlotte's doggie) and just running and playing. They were cute little leprechans in their green!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Regan celebrated St. Patrick's Day by wearing her green to school and that was also the day they went to the Circus, but the day before, she had a great time making crafts for the occassion. I love the hat!

Lions, and Tigers and Bears, OH MY!

Last Thursday at school, Regan got to go to the circus. She did so good and loved every minute of it. She even got to ride a pony. Sean and I wanted so badly to take her, but our schedules just didn't mesh through the week and we had plans to be out of town on the circus' last weekend in town. So, I'm SO grateful for Sandra being able and willing to take her!

This Old House

My Uncle Dennis wrote a song/story about "This Old House", referring to his childhood home, my Nanny's old house on Heggie Street in Charleston and while I was captivated by it, I didn't have the same connection listening to it as he and his siblings.

Funny thing is, I may soon be able to write my own story about "This Old House", but not my Uncle Dennis' childhood home...mine!

Mom has made the decision to sell her home and relocate to Nixa to be close to us and the grandbabies. When she first told me, I was excited, so much so that I didn't give a lot of thought to how hard this would be for her and for my Sister and I too. That little blue Cape Cod house is full of memories. She and my Dad bought it in 1980; it's the house they brought my Sister to straight from the hospital. It's the house that we've all called home for just over 30 years now. 30 years is a lot of memories and while it will be sad to turn the key over to a new owner, the memories are in our hearts forever, the house is just a structure, the walls are mere wood and sheetrock, the floors just wood and carpet; she can't take the house with her, but she will forever have the memories those walls hold.

Ah, memories.......where do I begin? The swingset that fell on my arm(that no one else seems to remember), the tree that saved Cara's life from a doberman, the driveway I rode a go cart down and about killed myself, the bedroom walls that I wrote on, the hardwood floor that we played on, the den that my Dad watched Dukes of Hazzard in, the patio that has entertained many BBQ's and served as the platform for my Dad's homemade ice cream making, the table we've surrounded at Thanksgiving Dinners, the creaky stairs I tried to avoid when sneaking out, the same ones my Uncle Kelly always sits on at any family gathering, the teeny tiny attic closet in the bedrooms; every room has a memory, every room has seen laughter and tears, and none will ever be forgotten!

So, while I know this will be one of the hardest things Mom has ever done, the reward is future memories with all of us here in Nixa, a house that her grandkids will one day call "This Old House".

A Day at the Movies

Sunday Cara and I took the girls to their first movie. We saw Tangled; pretty cute movie. The girls did so well, I was so impressed. The movie was an hour and 45 minutes and for the first hour, the girls stayed in their chairs or on our laps. They were so expressive about the things going on in the movie. They especially liked the horses, and the chamelion(they thought it was a frog). It was so cute to watch their facial expressions and hear their laughter, they both laughed out loud several times. I caught a glimpse of the lady behind us giving some endearing looks a few times when they would say something out loud or laugh. It was a lot of fun. And I must mention how they both LOVED the popcorn. Regan loves to eat "corn" at home, but she especially loved the movie theatre's buttery version of it! I'm not sure how much they ate, but it seemed like a lot. It was great to get out with the girls and enjoy a few hours of relaxing fun. I am so proud of them; I mean, really, how many two years olds and not quite two years olds can be taken to the movies and do so well?

Happy Anniversay!

Sean and I celebrated our 6th Anniversary on Thursday; well, we didn't really get to celebrate, or at least Sean didn't. I met my Sis and family at Tokyo Grill for dinner while Sean was at work. He wasn't feeling well, so he didn't even want me to bring him anything home. When he did get home from work, we enjoyed time as a family and exchanged cards; we got each other the exact same card! I guess we know each other pretty well! I am thankful for a loving, hard-working husband, AND an awesome Dad! I love you Sean! Happy Anniversay!

Lights Out!

We had a small storm on Friday and I get a call from my Sis that her power is out and wants to come over and hang out. While I hate they were out of power, I was secretly happy; not about the power but that she and Charlotte were coming to hang out. I love spending time with them and watching the girls play together, they are so stinkin' cute! I love my family!

The First Week of School

Regan completed her first week of school and she did amazing! She has already made some new friends. This week they worked on the color green, the square shape, the letter F, and the number 6. She got to do a lot of fun activities and spend a lot of time outside. She loves being outside! We are very please with Little Acorns and while we hate that she's growing up so fast, it's awesome to see her learn new things. We are so proud of our baby girl!

I'm Going To Be An Aunt...Again!

Cara just officially announced that she's pregnant and due October 4, 2011. We've known a few weeks, but she wanted to wait until after her first doctor appointment to share the news with everyone. We are all so excited. I'm hoping for another girl as I think it would be awesome to have all girls, but a boy would be cool too and Steve would have a "Jr.". I'd share a pic of her first Ultrasound, but since she hasn't shared it yet, it just doesn't seem right to do it. But it's a cute little bean! Congratulations Cara and Steve, we love you bunches!

Regan's First Day of School

On Monday the 28th, Regan went to Preschool for the first time. She attends Little Acorns here in Nixa, it's not an actual school; it's an in-home licensed pre-school/day care. She is loving it and being such a big girl! I think it was harder on us than her. She is making new friends and is loving the learning, coloring, and playing. She loves it so much that she doesn't want to leave. She actually had a full on tantrum on Monday and I took her away kicking and screaming.

Happy Birthday!

On February 27th I celebrated a Birthday. It was a nice quiet and relaxing day at home with the family. Cara and Steve came over that evening and brought me a cake; they are so awesome!

It's funny how the older we get, the less important Birthday celebrations feel, but it's always nice to do a little something!

While away, the mice will play

I had to go to Orlando for a Corporate Meeting back on the 21st. And as usual, my Mom came through for us and came to town to stay with Regan. She's so awesome. She also kept my niece Charlotte one day as well, so she could enjoy both girls. Mom takes great care of the girls and I am so thankful she is retired and can come on a moment's notice and help us out. Thanks Nonna!